I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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