he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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