I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
