someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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