I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
