you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
