u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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