I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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