i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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