It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I smell stomach acid.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
