Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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