No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
