covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
i think i just lost a toe
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
