wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
