Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
false alarm, still single
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