you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
