you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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