He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
