I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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