Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
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