No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
