I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
