ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
