who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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