tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
