we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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