My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Randomize
