i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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