Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
