Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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