i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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