dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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