So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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