On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
