So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
