Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I deserve this hangover.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
