I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
