If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
