I have demons in me.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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