I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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