I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
