Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
is wine microwaveable?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
