lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
