I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
