Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
