2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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