The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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