If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.