I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
