Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
