After last night, I could never be a politician.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
