brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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