they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
we made out on top of his cat.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
