Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
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