I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
