The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I supernannyed him into submission
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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