just tell him i said nine months
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
