I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize