I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
