Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
