I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
