So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
