i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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