Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
