All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
