planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
