So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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