I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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