life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
