Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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