its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
